Happy Monday! I went for it. A long solo episode for you because, well, you’re going to have to tune in and find out why.
It’s definitely challenging for me to go this long with you all, so I’d appreciate it if you let me know what you thought about it, or if you enjoyed these long episodes.
Let’s keep the conversation going. I want to know what you thought, or if you’d like for me to cover more areas regarding this. We can dig really deep if we wanted to.
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/therobinchoe
I get asked by women a lot how do I attract better? Or how do I get my current man/husband to require more for himself and/or change to the levels that I want to grow at.
Well here’s the truth. A LOT of people are LAZY. They think relationships are this thing where it should fall into place, require zero effort, and they should just exist together.
“As long as we’re in the same room together, that’s all that matters, honey.”
Albeit there’s a time and place for some quiet reflecting, maybe reading together, and just existing in each other’s presence without having to utter a word, but if this is your daily routine I could see why the fire has doused itself out and the romance has fizzled.
This is the breaking point for a lot of women. They feel like their husband is a life loser and this is where the need to save him or fix him comes in.
The breaking point for a man is when a woman tries to fix him. There’s a lot of psychological battles happening here at this point, and well, people can become a bit delusional. So let’s clear some of this up so it’s not happening.
IF you read some of my Instagram posts you’ll notice that I talk about the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse a lot. It’s about Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling otherwise known as the 4 precursors to Divorce. This is something you should familiarize yourself with before going into the following advice below.
I’ve even done a podcast on it.
Below, I’ve compiled a list of the Top 15 things you should understand about relationships and happiness. (This list can be for anyone currently in a relationship as well that is trying to make things grow)
1. Love yourself
A lot of women tell me that they only attract jerks that play stupid games or that they can’t find the right one, and I always believe that the people you attract and keep in your life is only a mere reflection of the love that you’re capable of.
You can only attract the level of love that you have for yourself.
2. Prioritize your life.
If you don’t have kids, this is easy. But some moms out there struggle with this. I understand why. But just because you have kids, doesn’t mean your life ends. Don’t abandon your friends. Don’t immerse yourself into his life. You should have your own identity aside from being a wife and a mom (or girlfriend/spouse).
Have some independence and freedom to live your life the way you want to. This eliminates the neediness that men find unattractive. It’s very suffocating and we usually run for the hills.
3. Stop People-Pleasing
I get it. You are a nurturer.
You just have to make sure everyone else is fine and dandy. You’re making sure everyone eats before you. You take the last slice, maybe even the smallest slice of the pie. But the problem with that is it’s EXHAUSTING. Do you know how much energy it takes for you to do this consistently?
You will start to feel like the people you are doing nice things for owes you back. You feel entitled and then you will feel resentment when it doesn’t get returned.
Please yourself first, before you start pleasing others. That way you don’t need anything in return. You’ve already done the deed. Take this monk-mentality to the next level and pour from an over-flowing cup.
4. Be a good listener
Communication has layers to it. It’s not just the words being spoken. It’s tonality. It’s body language. But more importantly it’s listening.
I’ve heard so many people tell me that their husband/boyfriend/spouse is a horrible communicator and every time I try to speak to these women, they’re cutting me off mid sentence.
Learn how to LISTEN. Listening is holding space for your partner and that means not wanting to reverberate anything back but understanding, empathy and compassion for what the person is saying.
Men, especially have a hard time opening up. The moment he does and you begin cutting him off, you will frighten the unhealed part of himself and he’ll never want to open up to you again. So be aware of this.
5. Teach him how to treat you
Most women think men should just ‘get you’. Heck, you don’t even get you. So, how the heck are we supposed to get you? Firstly, we men, think very simply. We don’t think on those levels and layers that most women orbit around.
This is where assertive communication comes into play. You’re not demanding him be this way or else. You’re only telling him how you would like to be treated. Have the dignity and respect to do this for yourself with anyone who treats you inappropriately, not just your man or boyfriend.
Ex. “I don’t appreciate you yelling at me, and I deserve to be spoken to with respect. So until you can manage that, I won’t be engaging in this conversation with you.”
6. Become the person you want to attract
This advice was one of the greatest pieces I can give and it should be higher on this list. I find that some women out there have these long tailed lists of what they expect/want in a man, and when you look at the list I begin to wonder how many of these are you crossing off yourself?
In order for you to attract better, you have to be better. If you’re the type to beat yourself up, then you will only find people in your life that will disrespect you in the same manner. It’s easy to spot this stuff.
7. Show appreciation and gratitude for your man
One of the things I talk about a lot is Positive Sentiment Override. It’s a Jedi Mind Trick.
Most people focus on the negative. That’s normal. Usually when you think about someone and you don’t like them, you probably have negative sentiments about the person. You hold onto those as opposed to any positive sentiments about the person. This can get dangerous if it’s someone you love. Even generalizing the sentiments make you believe that the person is ALWAYS a certain way.
Instead, the lasting impression you should have on people you love and adore should be positive and filled with appreciation and gratitude. There’s no better feeling for a man when his women appreciates him and makes it known to the world. This makes them feel like more of a man.
8. Don’t chase/nag him
So many women do this. And you might not even realize you’re doing it. It can show up in obvious ways, like constantly texting/calling him throughout the day. Or it could be subtler like you’re always the one initiating the conversation.
Regardless, it’s a turn-off for men because we like challenges so it’s pretty simple. Have some dignity! But also be indifferent whether this guy is for you or not. You’re good on your own.
9. Be accepting of differences
This is a two-way street. You shouldn’t expect him to be one way, when you’re not showing up in the same manner. Understand that we are all unique and no two people are ever gonna be the same. This one has to get chalked up to being accepting of each other’s differences.
If there are too many differences that you cannot tolerate (red flags) then maybe he’s not the one for you.
10. Don’t settle out of loneliness
This goes back to loving yourself because a lot of people are afraid to be alone. If you don’t love yourself enough now you will miss out on the one who can meet you where you are at.
But don’t become deluded that you’re going to wait for Mr. Right to show up like a Knight in shining armor. That is a fairy-tale and that doesn’t happen. However, it’s important that you don’t settle either. Be patient, as the right guy who notices how independent you are will be just as independent if not more. Giving you more room to do you as the relationship progresses.
11. Don’t try to change him
Ladies, ladies, ladies. I know you think you can get your man to change for you. “If only he stops doing this, then i’ll be happy,” or “once we get married, he’ll change for the better”.
It’s not that we men can’t change. We can (yay for hope). But it’s not going to happen with you being the dictator or controller. It doesn’t work that way.
Instead, “be the change you want to see in the world.” If that doesn’t motivate him to get serious about his own life then he is a life loser. I’m sorry. And it’s better to cut your losses short.
12. Dont be afraid to be alone if necessary
Definitely one of the most underrated tips on this list. Because if you’re unhappy in a relationship then go be on your own for awhile. Because your unhappiness is just going to perpetuate even more inside the relationship making it harder to repair.
We should be bringing 100% to the table all the time and not this 50-50 crap. And there’s nothing wrong with demanding that, so if you’re not being met and you’re always having to compromise then be okay with saying goodbye to the relationship and enjoy your own company. Life’s too short to be living it on other people’s terms.
13. Abuse is abuse
Mental, physical, emotional – it shows up in all forms. Abuse is abuse. While physical injuries hurt the most temporarily, it’s the emotional wounds that take the most time to heal.
Never tolerate this type of behavior from anyone let alone the person you are with. If you were a person who was beat or disciplined very hard as a child, you may find yourself making excuses for the one you are with because this is the learned behavior that you brought into your adult life as a child.
It’s never right for anyone to belittle you, degrade you, or gaslight you. Stand up for yourself assertively and have that self-respect and self-love we talked about.
14. Never get possessive or jealous
This is always a touchy subject, but there’s a fine line between being over possessive and smothering versus protecting your interests or ASS-ets, however you like to see it.
We men, like it when we show that you are marking your territory, however there’s a finesse to it. Each guy has a different threshold. But understand there’s a point where cute drops down to scary really fast.
15. Don’t be so bitchy
Please don’t hate me for this one, but come on…does anyone really want to be around a person like this? I know you don’t and you can’t stand bitchy people so why are you trying to be that person?
Constantly spewing negativity around doesn’t make anyone want to be around you. In fact this behavior makes me avoid certain types of women altogether. I just don’t like that energy nor will another man who is looking for another high-value woman.
Vibrate higher and you will attract the man in your life, but again, let’s be truly realistic with what we want and who we are at the same time.
Happy Fri-Yay! Here’s a solo episode of me and some updates and my journey thus far. I share with you something that has had a profound effect on everything that I have created so far.
I wanted to also share with you what I’ve been working on in the background, and what’s coming up on the horizon. Keep your eyes and your ears peeled as I start ramping up my business and my show.
INSTAGRAM – https://www.instagram.com/therobinchoe
Happy Hump Day. We are back at it with the interviews.
Today’s guest, we have Jessica Russell on the show she’s got an amazing story. Jessica is from LA California where she was born and raised. By the age of 34 where she became a multimillionaire through her entrepreneurial endeavors and then opened a production office which spun into another business managing talent which she then later sold her company to a major talent company in Hollywood.
Now, she’s an NLP Master and has 3 Hypnotherapy Centers throughout Los Angeles and also does her appointments via SKYPE.
She is an entrepreneur and creator at heart, but has a deeper passion to help others and influence people in a positive way. she has 2 young sons and spends her free time with them when she’s not out saving the world.
Phone number (310)844-1024
Hynpotherapy Centers – www.TheHypnotherapyCenters.com
Happy Monday!! We are back at it with the interviews this week and we have Lilly Wang on the show today.
She is an entrepreneur, humanitarian and international speaker. She has experience working overseas with various organizations such as the UN, WHO, and the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation to name a few. She has had her hand in dozens of charitable organizations across the board, and continues to inspire people along her path. She has taken a slightly different approach to her life and that is why i brought her on the show so she can share her journey and the fair amount of success she has created for herself in such a short time. She truly believes in offensive and defensive strategies for life and business and we got into all of that and more so you will want to stay tuned to the entire show and if you want to learn more about this app then head over to here and download the app, and connect with Lilly on Instagram,
The app that saves you money and makes you money. – www.thisappwins.com
Lilly’s Instagram – www.instagram.com/lillydwang
If you ask 10 entrepreneurs the key to business success you’ll probably get 10 different answers.
I talk about the one thing that is going to land you true business success, and it has nothing to do with taking action on productivity, or taking action on creating content, and taking action on building courses or brands.
What I talk about on today’s episode is truly the key…come find out what it is.
Happy Hump Day! We are back at it with the interviews this week with Top Divorce Attorney in the US for two years in a row, Susan Guthrie, a mediation specialist, co-host of a top iTunes podcast called “Breaking Free: A Modern Divorce” podcast (Links below), and she helps you resolve your matters peacefully. She is the only mediation service in the country that offers a mindfulness track and believes this to be the missing link to a much more desired result.
We talked about the years she spent practicing family law as an attorney and litigator, the things that people divorcing in the modern world should be thinking about, and we broke down some ideas for new couples, and so much more.
To get a hold of Susan, please check the links below.
Website – www.breakingfreemediation.com
Instagram – www.instagram.com/susan_guthrie_esq
Podcast (iTunes Link) – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/breaking-free-a-modern-divorce-podcast/id1408141817
Happy Mon-yay! Back at it with the interviews and we got a good one lined up for you!
MyLinh Truong is an Asian American writer, entrepreneur and humanitarian, who seeks to create social impact as owner of Eyelysian Beauty Studio and Director of Branding (goPoké). Raised in an underprivileged immigrant family, she learned at a young age how to leverage limitations to master life opportunities. When she’s not empowering individuals through writing, beauty treatments or business marketing strategies, MyLinh is a passionate yogi who practices and leads yoga events around Seattle area. In her spare time, she participates in non-profit organizations focused on social and economic inequities, anti-human trafficking and abuse as well as social clubs focused on social equality and Women Entrepreneurship. She is passionate about encouraging others to appreciate their true beauty as it exists inside all of us.
Currently, MyLinh is committed to being the voice for those struggling with infertility. It is extremely difficult to come out, especially in the Asian community obsessed with the perfect image for fear of losing face. She is excited to break the cycle that abuses women struggling to get pregnant, and inspire those suffering in silence to remain strong. (You can follow this journey @fertility.by.love)
“‘Love is the greatest form of currency’ and it is the one thing that matters most in in the end. All that matters is whether or not we felt loved and made them feel loved in return. How we treat others is a reflection of who we are deep inside. People will always remember how you made them feel. Love Always Wins.”
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/love.mylinh
Here we go with another solo round for you all. Enjoy. Appreciate. Be Grateful and make sure you woo-sah it all out today. It’s been stressful for a lot of you out there, with Spring around the corner, and all these new and exciting things blossoming.
We still have a responsibility to ourselves and the people around us. So let’s start off Spring right with 8 tips on how to keep your relationships interesting and full of life.
Instagram – https://instagram.com/therobinchoe